Book Review: Searching for Sunday by Rachel Held Evans
I first heard about Rachel Held Evans on the NYTimes Daily Podcast in light of her sudden death at age 37. She, through her blog and writing, spoke directly to people like me — people who were raised in but now feel estranged from the church. We feel estranged for a variety of reasons: conflicting ideas of what’s true, socio-political differences, unanswerable doubts, and more. And yet, we cannot deny that at the root of faith there is a tiny something that seems divine. Even if most of what we humans do is selfish, unjust, and in error, something deep within compels us towards Goodness, wherein lies Hope. Even if I no longer have faith in the god of the bible, I find faith in the indomitable way that we humans can cling to Him, real or not.
In Searching for Sunday, she shares the story of her relationship with faith. I identified with so many of her doubts and qualms about Christianity. She calls out the discrepancies between the message of Jesus and the way it’s put into practice. I admired her open criticism of the church’s hypocrisy in refusing women their equal rights, condemning the LGBTQ+ community, and misrepresenting the message of Jesus. But she does this with compassion for the church, which cannot help but reflect the imperfection of its congregants. Amid these imperfections, Evans finds mustard seeds of truth, goodness, and hope.
I’ve recently been discovering these mustard seeds of truth as I reflect on my values during this time of chaos. The insanity of this year has been exacerbating my existential doubts, to the point where I really felt the need to sit down and ask myself, “What do I think is true? What do I value?” It was empowering to find some clarity within, to balance against the unpredictable and inexplicable without. I find that many of my core truths are shared with the teachings of Jesus: everyone is worthy of love, we have a moral responsibility to help others, we are capable of being Good. Even though I don’t think that Jesus rose from the dead, I admire the way that he called on society to love the least among us. Though I don’t think the Bible is the Truth, I do think that people today aren’t interested enough in the Truth, wherever or whatever it is. It’s been refreshing to revisit the faith of my past with a new perspective, finding the things within that continue to ring true to me. I don’t know whether my future self will end up believing in organized religion, but I do hope that I’m able to organize my ideas of what matters and share them with those around me. It makes sense that the church has power — it addresses a powerful need deep within us, a need that I hope I am able to address in my own way.
